Together Apart

Sitting awake one night in the darkness and emptiness I realized I was content with that moment. That I was happy to be that way then. And it inspired this poem.

Alone for so long now

Alone with my thoughts

Alone in my head

Alone in heart

Yet stillness I found in that loneliness

The comfort I grew to know

The yearning for companionship

Overshadowed by the counsel of myself

For alone so long taught me to know who I am

My body longing for touch

Burning anxiety though

When the touch was too much

Only but few allowed to stay

The rest I sent away 

My bed my own

A retreat for my vessel

Where it rests from weariness and ecstasy equal

Again alone, again I learn

That to heal I needed not touch

I needed this loneliness 

To discover my brand of pleasure

Alone yes alone

Alone for so very long

Yet in that time the loneliness faded

In its place safety emerged

Safety within myself

Security in the very knowledge I have

Of being my own being

Possessed by none other than me myself

Controlled not by what is outside

For in control of myself I am

My being alone is what others look for in others

I have no need of others

I choose carefully what others I allow in

For I have been alone for ever so long

And I have learned that if others go

New others will come

If I send others away

New others I can bring in

Alone is not my prison

Alone is my freedom

Alone still alone

And my choices are mine

Alone yet not lonely

No not anymore

For if I am sure of one thing

And one thing only

It is that to be alone is a gift

A thing others again look for in yet more others

But I have found it within myself

I found it while I was alone

Alone yet not hurting

Not hurtful to you

When I say I don’t need you

It not intent on causing you injury

Because if I want you

Know that I want you to be alone too 

Not for spite or reprieve

No never for that

You must know to be alone though

If you desire to be with me

For if I want to be with you

Know then what that means

I will support you

Compliment you

Stand for you

My strengths are your weaknesses

So to arms I will battle for you

And together overcome

If you want to be with me

Know then what I need 

I need your support

I need you to be my compliment

I need you to stand for me

My weaknesses be your strengths

And in battle take arms to help me overcome

I do not need to be possessed

For that is a prison to one such as I 

Who has learned the beauty from being alone

I do not need to be controlled 

Because I am responsible for me

As only you should be responsible for you

I do not need to be completed

For while I was and am still alone 

I found wholeness in who I am as one

One who has tasted the nectar of existence

Existence as a singular being

Forged from the divine

You see we were meant to be alone

But if we are meant to be together

What I have you do not

But what I lack you own

We share ourselves willingly

Completely 

But only after we have learned to be alone

I will not possess you

I will not control you

I can never complete you

But I can share with you

The amazing being that I am

The wondrous truth of who I am

For I am alone

Even when you are near

You are alone when I am near

Together yet apart

We are alone yet not

And this is the desire that comes from alone

To find one to be together with

Yet rest easy when apart

To quell the fears of separation

For when alone you learn distance is fiction

We are alone in this life

We are alone in this body

Yet across the stars themselves

We can find each other

But we can’t find that power

Unless we first learn to be alone

Learning to be alone wakes us

From that dreaming illusion of separation

What alone has taught me

Greatest lesson I never asked for

Is that at every moment

We are already together

Despite the narrative we are told

So learn to be alone

Learn the joy it can bring

Because what I learned being alone

Is that in truth I never am.